This is going to be long. I need to vent and this is somewhere. It's 2022. I've been on this site for almost 20 years. It's the time to do it - much like writing this overdue journal. This journal is going to be weird as its not going to be cohesive so there's your warning.
I sketch for personal friends and doodle occasionally...not nearly what it used to be. I feel somewhat guilty as I have so many ideas creatively. I purchased a tablet a few years ago with the intention of learning how to digitally produce art and I got overwhelmed so quickly with it. Most of my digital friends encourage me even now to try again.
I came to terms with just being a traditional artist. That has its own challenges as well. I think I suffer from creative overload sometimes, but it all comes down to time. I seriously have zero time to draw. I can doodle quickly, but to actually sit down and draw and color and all that...just no time. I posted a few drawings on instagram every now and again - nothing major.
I've been working in retail for the past 8 years. That is a terrifying environment to be in, especially not being so great with people. I've been a store manager for almost 4 years. Typing that out is crazy to me cause it sure as heck doesn't feel that long. I enjoy my job very much so, but COVID and entitlement culture make is difficult. I have been out of work since February 27 and I'm set to return to work at the end of May.
Personally, I had another kid even though I swore off more children for years. I always wanted another child, but did not want them with the people I was in relationships with. I had two children with my ex-husband and went through a very long relationship with no children produced. I reconnected with an old friend which turned into a whirlwind romance and boom we got married and had a child. We've been married almost a year and our child is 9 weeks old as of this post.
I game regularly...or as much as I can. I play genshin impact and FFXIV mainly. I am on discord as well. I set myself to invisible so I'm there but not.
The last thing I'm going to babble about is my ongoing mental disease. Having another child has aggravated it so much. My anxiety has gone into paranoia lately and that drives me into depression. I have my own feelings about this but my brain is wired so weird. Basically, I have a logic brain and an emotional brain. My illness has prevented me from a lot...sometimes I wonder if I'm dwelling into schizophrenia. As much as we have now placed mental illness in the papers, it doesn't mean that everyone is being treated correctly. In fact, therapists are a dime a dozen and so are medications...but I'm afraid of both.
Anyway to be continued...